kaoru's note just breathe
by Sukichan111
Summary: 'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table. Life is to short to care what people think so its to short for Kaoru not to tell Hikaru how he feels...and it all started with 'dearest Hiakru'


**_2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,  
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,  
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"_**

Kaoru is lying on his stomach with his weight shifted to his elbows and his legs bent at his knees and his feet in the air. His slender body was rested on the large carpeted floor of his bedroom.

He softly taps his pencil to his pale lower lip as he thinks of what to write on the blank sheet of lined paper in front of him.

'_Dearest Hikaru'_ He wrote the words as perfectly as he could on the line.

His honey colored eyes drifted to the alarm clock on his night stand.

The second zero flipped to a one 2:01.

Life is so short….time goes by so fast he started this around noon.

The house was quiet.

All he could hear was the tick tock of the clock in the next room.

The phone rang and the younger Hitachiin jumped.

He answered it with a soft "hello" because he knows whose on the other line.

"Kaoru…Kaoru" he hears his twin sobbing violently into the phone.

"What is it brother" kaoru asks softly as if he doesn't already know.

"Haruhi….I don't l-love her Kaoru…she c-cheated on me" Hikaru choked out in between sobs.

"With who" Kaoru whispered.

"T-Tamaki" the older boy sobbed.

"I see" Kaoru said softly.

"I'll pick you up if you like" the younger boy said hoping to see his twins face.

"P-Please" Hikaru cried.

Kaoru decided to take a limo.

He climbed in and got out at Haruhi's apartment complex where Hikaru had been staying with Haruhi his ex- girlfriend now.

The younger Hitachiin knocked on Haruhi's door and his twin answered it giving him a brotherly hug.

Kaoru smiled at Hikaru and they went back to the Hitachiin manor.

The older boy quickly fell asleep on the couch.

Kaoru sat down on the ledge of the couch his brother was asleep on.

He ran his finger tips down Hikaru's cheek admiring his strikingly beautiful skin.

**_Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes  
Like they have any right at all to criticize,  
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason_**

the next morning the boys walked to school side by side like they used to.

Kaoru saw Hikaru's sad eyes and took his hand "I'll hold your hand if it'll help" the younger boy smiled softly at his twin.

Hikaru nodded and they walked through the large front doors of ouran high school.

Due to the fact they weren't in the host club it shocked people to see them holding hands.

As they walked down the hall Kaoru could feel their stares on his face and he saw the irritation in Hikaru's eyes.

Kaoru had always loved Hikaru more then he should but of course never told him.

What would Hikaru say if he knew?

Hikaru jerked his hand away….he doesn't feel the same….he believes in the taboo.

A slight bit of rejection runs through Kaoru's golden eyes but he quickly turns his head so Hikaru doesn't see.

The younger red head followed Hikaru into the class room and took his seat next to Haruhi and Hikaru took his seat on her other side.

Kaoru pulled out his piece of paper and began tapping his pencil to his lower lip.

**_'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable  
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table  
No one can find the rewind button, girl.  
So cradle your head in your hands  
And breathe... just breathe,  
Oh breathe, just breathe_**

he started to write…

_'Life is short and no one ever comes out of it alive._

_So dear brother it's too short for me not to tell you how I feel._

_Life is hard and it hurts sometimes and I wish I was dead…_

_When those times come Hikaru I think of you and the hurt goes away._

_You save me day to day from the hardships I encounter._

_You don't even know how much I love you brother._

_Your going away soon and I'll miss you._

_So you need to know I love you Hikaru, I don't care about taboos or what others think._

_You shouldn't either…so when life gets hard I want you to stop and take a breath._

_I want you to stop moving so fast and watch the world go by._

_I want you to breath. _

He folded the note neatly and perfectly and put it in his back pocket.

In just 2 weeks high school ended and kaoru gave his brother a final hug before Hikaru left for collage in Ireland.

"Hikaru" the younger Hitachiin whispered. "Yeah" his older brother smirked.

Kaoru reached for the note in his back pocket…but he froze and shook his head "Never mind…good luck brother" He whispered softly.

He let Hikaru go without telling him how he felt.

He had chickened out….he was scared of what his brother would say and he couldn't stand the thought of Hikaru hating him.

**_May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss  
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,  
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."  
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,_**

Just a few years later the Hitachiins are going to Ireland to visit their oldest son on his 21st birthday.

As kaoru walks down the street toward Hikaru's house he can hear people whisper of how Hikaru's been so drunk for so long now.

With sadness in his golden eyes Kaoru turns the corner and knocks on his brother's door.

Hikaru answers and looks to pale to be completely healthy.

Kaoru's eyes focus on his twins face and he smiles because he's happy to see his big brother.

**_But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,  
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it._**

Kaoru thought about giving him a hug then a pretty young girl appeared at Hikaru's side with a ring on her finger identical to the one on his.

A sickening pain filled the younger twin's body but he couldn't help but smile when he saw how happy Hikaru looked with that girl in his arms.

"This is May she's my fiancé" Hikaru smiled putting an arm around her.

"I need a second" Kaoru ran down the hall and into the first door he saw.

It was the bathroom.

The red head sat down on the dry shower floor and took his note out of his back pocket.

He started to write….

**_Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,  
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.  
No one can find the rewind button, boys,  
So cradle your head in your hands,  
And breathe... just breathe,  
Oh breathe, just breathe_**

_I thought I loved you and I know you know how I feel._

_Now I see all you'll ever do is hurt me._

_Life is too short for me to sit back and watch you pass me by._

_So this is my goodbye._

_Goodbye Hikaru._

_Thanks for teaching me to be patient…and for being my brother._

_I hope she makes you happy._

_I'm letting you go…its not easy but I have no choice._

_You let me go._

_Goodbye._

**_There's a light at each end of this tunnel,  
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out  
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again  
If you only try turning around._**

Kaoru re-folded the paper and put it back in his back pocket.

Just two days later he was on his way home.

Again he left without giving the note to Hikaru.

Again he chickened out.

He couldn't live with the thought of Hikaru hating him which is all that note would do now.

**_2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song  
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,  
Threatening the life it belongs to_**

Again just like before Kaoru is lying on the carpeted floor with his weight on his elbows and feet in the air as he's tapping his pencil to his lower lip.

His golden eyes shift to the alarm clock and like before it reads 2:01.

He finishes the note in perfect neat writing.

_Dearest Hikaru,_

_Life is short and no one ever comes out of it alive._

_So dear brother it's too short for me not to tell you how I feel._

_Life is hard and it hurts sometimes and I wish I was dead…_

_When those times come Hikaru I think of you and the hurt goes away._

_You save me day to day from the hardships I encounter._

_You don't even know how much I love you brother._

_You're going away soon and I'll miss you._

_So you need to know I love you Hikaru,_

_ I don't care about taboos or what others think._

_You shouldn't either…so when life gets hard I want you to stop and take a breath._

_I want you to stop moving so fast and watch the world go by._

_I want you to breath. _

_I thought I loved you and I know you know how I feel._

_Now I see all you'll ever do is hurt me._

_Life is too short for me to sit back and watch you pass me by._

_So this is my goodbye._

_Goodbye Hikaru._

_Thanks for teaching me to be patient…and for being my brother._

_I hope she makes you happy._

_I'm letting you go…its not easy but I have no choice._

_You let me go._

_Goodbye._

_Now it's my turn to breathe on my own and stop crying for you._

_I loved you Hikaru…_

_Goodbye….._

_ Kaoru._

He smiled as these words were no longer a part of him.

They were on the paper and out of his head.

The younger Hitachiin stood leaving the note on the floor where it was.

He walked back to his room to pull on some pajamas.

He'd go back and get the note after he was dressed.

The maids were on vacation and Hikaru was in Ireland and mom and dad were on a business trip.

No one was gonna pick it up.

He pulled on a long sleeved lose gray shirt and a pair of black sweats.

When he heard a voice call "Kaoru" he froze.

Hikaru was…home.

He ran down the hall.

**_And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd  
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud  
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to_**

Kaoru froze and his eyes grew wide.

Hikaru was standing in the middle of the living room reading the note.

Kaoru crossed his arms feeling bare.

This was everything he ever wanted to say to Hikaru that he never did because he was scared.

And….now it was all laid out for Hikaru to see and use in any way he wanted.

**_But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,  
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table_**

"Kaoru" Hikaru looked up meeting his twins gaze "You never told me"

"I…I couldn't" Kaoru turned and started to run down the hall.

Hikaru's hand caught his wrist and turned him so he was looking into his little brothers tear filled eyes.

**_No one can find the rewind button now  
Sing it if you understand.  
_**

Hikaru rested his hand on Kaoru's left cheek "I love you to" he smiled softly.

"But what about May" Kaoru whispered searching his twins golden eyes.

Hikaru looked at his brother through his long eye lashes "When I saw you again I was happier then I'd been in years….I love you…Kaoru no matter what the law or others say"

Kaoru smiled softly and he felt warm inside.

Hikaru's lips caught his in an innocent kiss.

**_And breathe, just breathe_**

When you love someone you should be with them no matter what

**_Whoa breathe, just breathe,_**

Life is too short to worry about the future so love what you have while you have it now.

**_Oh breathe, just breathe,_**

When life's getting the best of you just sit back with the one you love and watch the world go by

**_Oh breathe, just breathe._**

just breath.


End file.
